The Five Stages of Grief

i.            denial and isolation

How long he had, how bad it would become, I didn’t know. But I believed in him, I believed in the surgery and the medicine and I believed that he’d beat it. There have been so many breakthroughs in cancer. So many people fight it off with the help of the medicine.

    And he told me he was okay…

ii.           anger 

The yellow spots kept coming back on that stick thingy behind his stomach. He couldn’t eat properly. Who was at fault? The doctor who lost a battle against a bunch of spots inside an old man’s body, my dad who I’d be without for weeks at a time, old age? Could it possibly be…my own? No, no, no! The yellow spots were at fault deep down (literally) and I hate them.

iii.         bargaining

iv.         depression

Last week I stayed up too late crying because I didn’t know when the time would come. I couldn’t bring myself to do my math tutor’s assignment. I only left the safety of my room to use the bathroom or get a snack.

I was coaxed to the museum on Saturday and every so often the magic pushed my worries somewhere else in my head where my conscious couldn’t reach. It was after dinner when my mom sat down on the grass and I knew. I knew. I knew the end had come. And I cried. And I cried. And I cried.

v.           acceptance 

It hasn’t happened yet.